


NFWMB

by littlevodika



Series: Marvel/MCU Fanfiction [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Inspired by a Hozier Song, Mental Breakdown, Song: NFWMB (Hozier), Sorry Not Sorry, Title from a Hozier Song, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-12-04 01:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20933390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlevodika/pseuds/littlevodika
Summary: Peter was different, the day of the field trip with your high school being the last time you saw him smile. He seemed darker since the Snap was reversed, his childlike innocence replaced with visions of war, loss and pain. He was hardened, and it hurt to see him like this. But would you ever get back the same boy you fell in love with, or was his innocence the first casualty of the war to defend Earth?





	NFWMB

**Author's Note:**

> My song was NFWMB by Hozier so strap in for the A N G S T bc this turned into Dark!Peter without realizing it so yeah. A bunch of IW and Endgame feels but nothing really referring to FFH bc I haven't seen it yet. Also, it wouldn't let me make a Psychotic Break tag for some reason but there it is.

_When I first saw you_  
_The end was soon_  
_To Bethlehem_  
_It slouched and then_  
_Must've caught a good look at you_

Peter loved you, there was no doubt about it. When he saw you and Ned in the halls of Midtown after the battle had been won, he broke down. To him, it had only been one long, grueling day of fighting and non-stop physical exertion that left him exhausted. Now he was free to seek solace in your arms for the first time in what felt like forever. 

\-------------

_He had started his day with what was going to be a field trip, but after looking out the window of the rickety school bus it didn't take long for his plan to change. What was supposed to be a simple assist to Mr. Stark and Doctor Strange on the space donut thing became a mission light years from Queens, working with aliens to take the gauntlet from Thanos._

_A plan that had ultimately failed, but not because of anything he had done._

_As the ramshackle team came to terms with the loss, everyone began to fade away into nothingness. Peter felt every excruciating second of it and it tore his insides apart._

_"... I don't feel so good," Peter had stuttered the words before falling limp into his mentor's arms._

_Mr. Stark tried to console the teenager but he didn't know what to say as the child dissolved from his grip, the final words his protege spoke being an apology._

_After coming to in the quantum realm, Peter realized exactly what he had done by apologizing and the guilt ate away at him every minute, every hour, until Strange told him the dilemma currently facing Earth._

_He had barely been able to recover from being attacked the first time by the extraterrestrial asswipe that was Thanos, and now he was being told that the same purple fuck was back on Earth and five years had passed._

_The battle was valiant and Peter was grateful for having far more backup than what was available on Titan. He met the king of Wakanda, for crying out loud! When the army had disappeared, Peter was ready to finally process everything that had happened during not just this fight, but the one from five hours ago._

_Everything had been thrown at him so fast that all he could do was react in the heat of the moment, utilizing Instant Kill for the first time and riding a pegasus and reuniting with Mr. Stark._

_Mr. Stark…_

_He still couldn't believe he watched his beloved mentor die right in front of him. He had lost people before, his parents and Uncle Ben being of that group, but he didn't have vivid memories of their deaths. Tony's, however, seeing Tony on his deathbed and watching his ARC reactor fade would haunt him for the rest of his life._

\-------------

Peter held his friends close to him as he sobbed, unable to put his anguish into words to help the people closest to him understand. Eventually, he was able to stutter out the words and it was like a dagger in his gut when he spoke. 

"I-I lost him," his voice cracked. He sounded like he had aged ten years since the day of the field trip. "I l-lost Mr. Stark." 

You gripped your boyfriend tighter and felt Ned do the same, hoping that the love you were giving could help aid the process of mending his broken heart. 

_Give your heart and soul to charity_  
_'Cause the rest of you, the best of you_  
_Honey, belongs to me_

After that day, he hadn't been the same. More somber, less bubbly and loud. He was clearly in mourning and even May couldn't seem to get through to him. You didn't know how bad it had really become for Peter until you received a phone call from an unknown number. 

"Y/N, this is Happy Hogan. I work with Peter-"  
"How did you get my number?" 

Sure you recognized the name from Peter's stories he told about his adventures as Spider-Man, but you had never met the man in person. You most certainly have never had a conversation with him. 

"You're one of Peter's emergency contacts, and this counts as an emergency." 

_Oh no, what happened to Peter?!_

"Don't worry, he's physically okay. Mentally however... But likewise, I'm pulling up front to your apartment complex now." 

Happy had your _address?!_

You tried to ask the man how he got that information but the line was dead. The honking from outside your home alerted you to leave, and instead of trying to explain everything to the adults outside of your bedroom window, you made a decision. Scrawling a note on a stray piece of paper, you grabbed your bag and climbed out your window and down to the ground via the fire escape. 

_\-------------_

Happy drove in silence, you not really getting chatty vibes from the man. 

Upon arriving to the old Avengers Tower (Peter had told you about the HQ upstate being decimated during the last fight against Thanos), Happy pulled you aside. 

"... You do know that the Peter we have isn't the same one from before, right?" You nodded. "Good, just didn't want you to be too shocked once you see him and after I tell you everything that happened." 

_Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?_  
_Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?_  
_Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you live?_

Happy solemnly led you to what you soon realized was Peter's room in the Tower. On the odd occasion Peter would fall asleep in the lab, and Tony would take him to what used to be a guest bed that eventually became a second bedroom for him. 

But instead of the plush bed you were familiar with (you spent many a night held in his arms when you visited), your boyfriend was strapped to a hospital bed, the leather binding his wrists and ankles down. 

"W-what's wrong with him?! Happy, why the hell is he strapped down?" You were losing your cool and about to yell this man into a coma but he shushed you in seconds. 

"He's asleep for the first time in days, keep it down!" 

You were curious as to why he went that long without sleep but a more pressing question entered your head. 

"Does Aunt May know about this?" 

The adult nods, his mouth in a grimace. "She's the one who brought him here." Happy runs a hand down his face before continuing. "He had a psychotic break and nearly killed her, and there's no way of knowing what set him off until he wakes up." 

How… why would Pete attack May? He loves her to the end of the world and back. This was not the Peter you knew, Peter you knew would never, could never... Maybe Happy was right,the Peter that came back wasn't the same. 

"He's woken up… not completely there?"  
"Several times, kid still hasn't realized that he attacked May yet and we can't tell him, you understand?" 

Nodding, your eyes rake over the unconscious body of your closest friend, your boyfriend, and you couldn't contain the tears. To your surprise, Happy wrapped an arm around you and you turned into him, your tears and snot getting on his suit. Normally Happy would shove off almost anyone that did that stuff on him, but since he lost Tony… he couldn't bring himself to do that to you. 

You didn't stay like that for a long time, both of you turning towards the stiff-looking bed at the sound of groaning coming from the room. "Y/N… sweetie, is that you? What's going on?" Peter still hasn't tried to move his limbs and you wanted to distract him to prolong the realization that he was tied down. 

Happy gives you permission to go to him with a tiny nod and you don't hesitate. Surely you could bring Peter back to his senses. 

"Yeah Pete, it's me." God this made you want to cry, but you had to hold back the ache in your heart for your boyfriend. He needed you to be strong now more than ever. 

"Wh- how- how did I get here?" Peter begins to survey his surroundings and realizes that he's in the Tower. He tugs on the restraints and when he realizes he's being tied to a bed, the panic sets in. 

"What did they do to me?! W-w-hy...why am I here?... Y/N...Y-Y/N, what's going on?" He's hyperventilating and you immediately place one hand on his cheek and the other on his chest. 

"Pete, no one did anything to you-" 

"Then why am I tied down like some kind of experiment?!” “ Let me go! “ he roars “Let me go!" Peter's thrashing about and tugging on the leather and cloth straps binding him and you flinch away from him, not wanting to get hurt in the crossfire. 

But you don't want him to hurt himself either. He's your boyfriend before anything. "Baby, stop! All you're doing is hurting yourself! Pete!" Swallowing the anxiety about what you're about to do, you climb on top of him and rest a good portion of your body weight against his torso to try and keep him from convulsing and tugging. 

You shout his name as he continues to thrash about and when he finally rests, you heave a deep sigh. 

"Lovebug," he whimpers. "Please let me go, I need to apologize to May. Please-"  
"I don't think that's the best idea, baby. You were put here for a reason and I don't want to act like I know better than medical professionals-"  
"You know me better than some damn doctors, you're my girlfriend! I love you more than anything on this planet, Y/N. You promised me that you would do anything for me, lovebug, and I have never asked you for anything. Just please," he sounded so broken, this boy was putting you through the wringer. 

_Ain't you my baby?_  
_Ain't you my baby?_

You thought about this for a moment. He never would have attacked May, this precious and lovable boy under you. He loves nearly everyone he has ever met and is a far cry from being a murderer. It's Peter for crying out loud, and you believed in your heart and in your gut that he didn't have it on his heart to hurt someone he loves so much. 

Clearly May was suffering from a fit for thinking Pete would _ever intentionally_ hurt her. 

So against what the angel on your shoulder was trying to tell you, you undid Peter's restraints and he dug into the closet until he was able to find the first suit Tony had given him a long time ago. He opened the window and had part of his body out before asking for your hand. You gave it to him without hesitation as he carried you, swinging through the city, now officially a couple on the run. 

\-------------

_If I was born as a black thorn tree_  
_I'd wanna be felt by you, held by you_  
_Feel the power of your hand on me_

It had been weeks since you had been back home. You didn't expect any of what happened that day to happen, but you didn't think about it much. Peter needed you and you him, and it was obvious what your family would say about your escapade. 

You weren't planning on returning to New York and Peter wasn't either. You were both on the run from what the Snaps had caused, and solace was only found in each other's arms at the end of long, cold nights. 

To get by, Peter was robbing the criminals and you were hustling pool at any old dive you stumbled across. It was how you made your way to the west coast, as far from New York as you could be without being in the ocean. 

The first night you had seen Peter kill a man was last week. The man was lurking around the bar both of you frequented. Since the drinking age was all fucked because of the first Snap, all it took was a few extra bills to drink. After all, it was 2023 and technically, you and him both could be considered 22 years old. 

But this guy didn't know how to leave well enough alone. He lost to one of your games and was not hesitating to call you out on your shit. You played coy and sauntered out of the restaurant, feeling Peter's eyes burn holes into you as he nursed a cheap beer. 

The creep followed you out angrily, slamming the door of the bar as he continued his tirade. The booze stench was like a cloud lingering around the guy and you were close to choking on it. 

He was in your face, trying to rough you up enough to scare you into giving his money back. You weren't scared, no you got a thrill from it. This kind of excitement had been absent from your life, so much so that you spit on his shoes when he called you a hussy. 

Before he could throw a punch, Peter was there, shoving the inebriated man away from you. 

"Whatcha gon' do, kid? Standin' up for ya little girlie, huh-" 

Peter had kicked him in the knee, his eyes sparkling as the man crumpled to the ground. Before you could count to three your boyfriend was wailing on the man, his fists unrelenting as the man under him groaned. You looked away, checking each direction to ensure no one would interfere or even worse, try to arrest Pete for fighting. 

Peter was talking between each hit but you couldn't understand him. The only thing you could understand was the distinct sound of gurgling following a squishy noise you had never heard before. 

The noise drew your attention back to your boyfriend and what you saw nearly made you vomit. Peter's clenched hand was dripping, coated in red slick and you could see something in his fist. 

Was that _skin?_

Looking to the drunk man, the neon lights seeping from the bar through to the alleyway you were in painted a gruesome picture. 

A good sized chunk was missing from the man's neck and it didn't take a slueth to figure out that the missing chunk was in Peter's fist. 

_Ain't it warming you, the world goin' up in flames?_  
Ain't it the life of you, you're lighting up the place?  
Ain't it a waste it watch the throwing of the shade? 

"Peter…" this was nothing like you had ever seen. The words to describe it were nowhere to be found, your brain opting for the most basic of phrases while you began to shake. "What the fuck, Peter?! You just killed a man! What the-" 

Peter had cast aside the meat with a nonchalant toss, wiping the blood on the dead man's chest and walking towards you. "I killed him for you, baby. He was gonna hurt you, and I wouldn't let that happen." 

Tears were flowing like rivers and Pete wiped them away with his hands on both sides of your face, one cheek now smudged with hints of dirt and a stranger' blood. 

"Our love is god, lovebug. I'd trade my life, any life, for yours. You're my baby." 

_Ain't you my baby?_  
_Ain't you my baby?_


End file.
